There are few things that feel worse than the pain after splitting up with a loved one – the pain can be physical, regardless of whether you were the one that ended things or not.
It can be especially painful when you though they were the one you would be with for life; if they were your best friend or ‘other half’, the feeling is akin to grieving over a death.
While many can get through a difficult break up with the help of family, friends and time, having a bit of extra support can make a big difference to your mental state and overall wellbeing.
Breakup coaches can be a source of comfort and encouragement that can support you through this difficult time and help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Top 3 breakup recovery coaches
If you’re looking for someone to chat to during this challenging time and want to turn your sadness upside down, look no further than these three breakup coaches.
|1||Steps to Happyness||www.stepstohappyness.com|
|3||Dorothy Ab Johnson||www.dorothyabjohnson.com|
7 steps for healing
In the meantime, here are 7 expert tips for recovering from a bad breakup:
Limit contact with your ex
While it’s highly tempting to call, text and show up at your ex’ front door begging for them back, the longer you stay in touch with them, the harder it will be to get over them. The “no contact” rule is hard, but worth it – it helps give you clarity over the situation and helps you heal. Don’t give in to any excuses you might have, like wanting to return their toothbrush, or wanting to respond to their text to be polite (unless, of course, there are kids involved and you need to liaise with them).
You should try to go no contact for at least 30 days, and then reassess whether there is any genuine reason why you should get back in touch with them again (there usually isn’t). This can help give you perspective and allows you to have new experiences which distract you from your ex.
Let yourself feel
After a breakup it is normal to experience a flood of emotions – hurt, anger, guilt, sadness, joy. Don’t judge these feelings or try to suppress them – let yourself feel them. Know that each emotion will pass.
While distracting yourself will help for a little while, the emotions beneath the surface will still be there, and they need to be released. Feeling each emotion fully allows them to express themselves and then leave when they’re finished. Studies have shown that people who practice accepting and embracing negative emotions and letting them run their course have improved overall psychological health.
It can help to express and work through your feelings using art, journaling or by talking it out with a friend, family member, therapist or breakup coach.
Establish why you broke up
Often when going through a breakup you can lose sight of the reasons why separating was a good thing – we get lost in nostalgia, remembering the good times but not the bad. Making a list of the benefits and drawbacks of the breakup can help give you insight, perspective and clarity. You can also look for alternatives to replace the good things you lost with the breakup, such as watching Netflix with a friend, sibling or pet instead of your ex.
Lean on family and friends for support
While it is important to be happy on your own, you are especially vulnerable to loneliness and sadness after a breakup, which means that spending time with loved ones is particularly important during this time. Spending some quality time with parents or friends can remind you that it is possible to feel close to people that aren’t your ex, and help you transition from partnership to singlehood.
Give yourself a mourning period
It’s perfectly healthy to go through a mourning period – this gives you the time and space you need to be able to process your emotions and thoughts. Relationships can create an actual chemical addiction in the brain, which makes breakups literally painful – you’re going through physical and emotional withdrawals! So be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve; this could take weeks or months – there is no right or wrong.
Engage in self-reflection
During this mourning period, it can help to reflect on the relationship (constructively) and learn from the good and bad aspects of it. It is definitely possible to turn a breakup into a positive experience – breakups allow you to learn from the past and grow in the present!
Some questions to ask yourself include:
- What was good about the relationship?
- What wasn’t so good?
- What was your role in the relationship?
- What can you work on so that your next relationship is healthier? (Be honest with yourself about your flaws)
Ensure that you focus on your wellbeing rather than your ex’s – that’s for them to do, not you. Work on rebuilding your self-esteem by reflecting on the person that you want to be and the life that you want to live – and then act on it. Commit to taking the necessary steps to become this person.
Get back out there
Finally, when you’re ready, get back out into the world! Open yourself up to new people and experiences. Ask yourself what you need and what you want and go for it. Exercise is a great way to boost feel-good endorphins, and healthy food is essential for nourishment and feeling great.
Remember to love yourself unconditionally above all else and remember that you deserve happiness just as much as anyone else.
While painful, a breakup doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Allow yourself to grieve and learn from the past, so that your future relationships have the potential to be the best yet. If you feel you need some support getting through a separation, don’t hesitate to get in touch with a breakup recovery coach.